Something that I don’t think gets talked about enough is how some women can thrive in chaos. That’s not to say you should chuck everything at a woman and expect her to love it; rather, there is often a method to the madness. Embracing “messy rituals” in daily life can help you remain motivated and engaged, provided you can master, understand, and respect them.
But it’s also just important to allow mess and a lack of structure into our lives here and there, especially with the societal pressure for women to be perfect all of the time and everything that they do.
Encourage and thrive in the chaos while also keeping up with healthy routines of self-care, and daily tasks that do allow us to feel centred and structured that we do need in our lives.
Messy rituals are tactile, uncurated, and sensory. They allow for much-needed emotional release and offer a way to break free from the pressure of perfectionism. They enhance a woman’s wellness exactly how she wants, rather than how influencers with unlimited time and resources say it should be done.
Messy rituals are a realistic part of a woman’s routine. They aren’t always aesthetically pleasing because life, as a whole, is messy. Curveballs are thrown, and often the best we can do is stay afloat without putting pressure on trivial things that don’t serve us.
Go outside and physically connect with the earth: feel the dirt under your toes, touch the bark on the trees, or walk barefoot in the grass. While you might not be into a “hippie” outlook on nature, even sitting on a park bench and soaking up the sun is a simple sensory ritual that reduces stress and brings you into the present moment. Being outside is the most affordable and easiest way to feel better, so do it with no plans or rules.
Rather than a clinical, quiet facial, engage in a messy, hands-on DIY spa night. Apply clay masks, experiment with homemade scrubs, and use raw products that feel good on your skin. You don’t need to spend a small fortune on skincare; a $5 face mask while you take a bath can do wonders.
When feeling overwhelmed, you can scream into a pillow or fluff up the cushions with a bit more force than usual, whatever releases tension and anger. As you do this, visualise yourself breaking and dispersing your worries, or “letting go” of whatever is bothering you. Especially for mothers with demanding little ones, you sometimes just need to let it out privately. I’d even recommend a good cry in the shower; sometimes, you just need a release.
A less aggressive or angry way to get some emotional release is to sit down with a journal and write freely, without worrying about handwriting, spelling, or coherence. The goal is to get the mess out of your head and onto paper. You don’t need a perfectly written journal or note to yourself, as these are the messy rituals that are completely for us and our eyes only.
After a shower, take time to oil your body, engaging in self-massage to connect with your body through touch. It only takes a few minutes out of your day, and it’s not just a treat after you’ve shaved your legs. But you can go as far as to make an absolute mess during your makeup rituals. If it feels good to have it all out, then do it, cream blush here and mascara there. This is your time to do whatever makes you happy.
Get messy in the kitchen by cooking or baking, focusing on the tactile sensations of handling food and the aromas. While cleanup can be annoying, that’s not the point. It’s about having fun with the task. Cleaning is always going to be necessary regardless of how careful you are with the flour; it’s about losing a bit of control and enjoying the process.
As life tends to leave most women responsible for the vast majority of the housework, but that might just be because you work from home, don’t work to take care of the kids, or you actually enjoy the process of cleaning. But for a lot of us, it’s a monotonous routine that needs constant attention to maintain just a tidy space, never mind actually 100% clean.
Bringing messy rituals doesn’t just involve self care but adding it into the monotonous daily routines, so it’s allow about maybe just not taking it so seriously all the time, whether it’s saving deep cleans to once week, let the clean washing pile stock up weekly as it’s pretty much saving yourself so much time putting it all away at once rather than little drips and drabs throughout the week.
You also don’t need to be everyone’s slave, it’s not your duty to clean up after everyone, so make the point of putting the kids’ rubbish in their room, paying your other child money to clean up their siblings room and taking it out of the other allowance. It’s messy in terms of family drama, but will it pay off? It’s very likely, and it saves you any actual physical effort in shouting, yelling and repeating yourself for the 11th time that week.
Messy rituals are a way to encourage normal behaviour and prevent guilt building up for not being perfect 100% of the time. It’s not a realistic part of womanhood when we have so much going on physically and emotionally each month, so allowing the mess not to interfere with health routines can be so empowering, but also completely and 100% fine.
Messy rituals allow you to enjoy life a bit more but also take a lot of pressure off you as a mother, a friend and a partner. They can come as you please and who knows they might allow you to enjoy the tedious tasks a little more.
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